[♪ theme music ] >> stephanie: hello, current tv land, charlie pierce of esquire.com coming up on the big show. comedian, carlos alazraqui right there live in hour number three. >> he has a new movie this week. >> stephanie: really. >> yes, planes. >> stephanie: oh, jacki, it's a kid's film, let's go. carlos has played every form of transportation as far as i know.

>> that's when you know you have made in the business when you get to be a vehicle of some sort. >> stephanie: and god knows what she can do with her mouth beyond the news but here she is -- >> oh, you did not. good morning, everybody, president obama is traveling to phoenix today where he's going to give a speech about homeownership and the middle class. he is expected to lay out a proposal that would phase out fannie mae and freddie mac and hand mortgage lending back to the private sector. >> obama: the key now is to encourage homeownership that is not based on unrealistic bubbles, but it is based on a solid foundation where buyers and lenders play by the same rules. >> tomorrow the president will hold an online townhall

sponsored and hosted by zillo. you can submit your questions now using the hashtag ask obama housing. the state department has issued a travel warning for anyone yemen. the state department also has removed all of its own nonessential people from the country. the u.s. intercepted a message between al qaeda chief and the head of al qaeda in the arbabian peninsula who is based in yemen. a suspected u.s. drone has killed four alleged members of al qaeda al qaeda yemen. and 19 different facilities in the middle east and north africa

remain closed until at least saturday. we're back with more show after the break. ♪ cenk off air alright in 15 minutes we're going to do the young turks! i think the number 1 thing than viewers like about the young turks is that were honest. they know that i'm not bsing them for some hidden agenda, actually supporting one party or the other. when the democrats are wrong, they know i'm going to be the first one to call them out. cenk on air>> what's unacceptable is how washington continues to screw the middle class over. cenk off air i don't want the middle class taking the brunt of the spending cuts and all the different programs that wind up hurting the middle class. cenk on air you got to go to the local level, the state level and we have to fight hard to make sure they can't buy our politics anymore. cenk off air and they can question if i'm right about that. but i think the audience gets that, i actually mean it. cenk on air 3 trillion dollars in spending cuts! narrator uniquely progressive and always topical, the worlds largest online news show is on current tv. cenk off air and i think the audience

gets, "this guys to best of his abilities is trying to look out for us." only on current tv!

♪ ♪ it's a beautiful day ♪ don't let it get away >> stephanie: uh-huh. it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome it to. six minutes after the hour, 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. charlie pierce of esquire.com on the big show today. carlos alazraqui live in hour number three. he is in a few film, the pixar movie planes, and he said he has

played every form of transportation known to man. [ applause ] >> stephanie: he is a lot better with his mouth than that guy in the police academy movies and much nicer. >> really? do not drop that bomb and then run -- >> stephanie: it's an old radio story -- >> tell us -- you are going to tell us this story. >> stephanie: i don't remember his name. he did all of these funny noises -- [ buzzer ] >> like people can't go to impd and look it up. >> stephanie: all i know is he came on the radio show and wouldn't do any noises. >> i had the same experience with chris rock. he did not want to be there in the morning. >> stephanie: no? >> no. not at all. >> stephanie: really? gee, i love getting up at this

hour. love it. love it. love it. stephaniemiller.com the website. by the by, lots of love letters, jerry in illinois -- [♪ romantic music ] >> stephanie: in my dear abby voice -- didn't she used to read letters on tv at some point? did she do some segment? it was my favorite. >> maybe on good morning america. >> stephanie: right. something like that. >> yeah. >> stephanie: all right. dear momma and the mooks good luck with your new tv venture, i have been pestering my wife with stephan stephanie said this and stephanie said that for years -- and who doesn't. >> now she watches your show and she is doing it.

we can't wait watch your show. i would tell you but i would have to kill you. we'll be on current until next week. but follow us on facebook and go to stephaniemiller.com. >> yes, and go to stephaniemiller.com and along the top you'll see member log in, click on that, and then in the banner, you'll see subscribe exclamation point. click on that. >> stephanie: it's free! >> yes, and you see email list free. go to the bottom of that column and sign up. >> stephanie: and then you'll be on our legendary email blast. >> but facebook is the easiest way to follow us. >> stephanie: i don't do any of it. >> i know you don't. >> stephanie: i quite by quill pen and candlelight. >> four score and -- right.

no. >> they used them in germany not that long ago -- >> stephanie: oh, my god that is really early or a germany reference. it wasn't a hitler reference, but it was germany. >> quills are very inefficient, i'm surprised anybody used them. >> stephanie: all right. everybody get back in the bus. >> are you having a flash back to your bus driving years. >> stephanie: yeah, there's something like a barely certified bus driver that is entrusted with transporting children. >> were you certified at all? >> stephanie: little bit. >> did you have to drive around cones? >> stephanie: no, they were like good enough. here you go. see what you have done, you made

me drive the bus out -- >> yeah. >> stephanie: i'm not sure which story is more disgusting, the hamburger or the lump of fat. >> let's start with the fat berg. >> stephanie: yeah, $330,000 for a fake berger. >> oh, you are talking about the berger -- >> stephanie: yes. the word's first lab grown hamburger made from the cells of a living cow was eaten in london. >> they said it tasted like ground up squid. >> stephanie: we're all animal lovers, though, so i hope they perfect it. obviously the cruelty issue would be taken care of.

>> they are tasty. >> stephanie: it also an enormous environmental footprint. >> thank you. i know. [ farting sounds ] >> stephanie: and threaten all sustainable environmental damage. you big meat head. just give it a chance. >> cows are tasty. >> stephanie: well, they are working on it. >> you think cows are tasty as well. >> stephanie: shhh. >> i can help you that hump. >> what hump. >> stephanie: oh, this is disgusting -- [♪breaking news theme] >> is that what happens when you eat pub food your whole life? >> stephanie: yeah, literally the size of a bus. a bus-sized lump of fat was discovered in the london sewer. >> don't talk about chris christie that way. >> stephanie: hey, how did chris

christie get in our sewer. what kind of fat? i don't get it. >> if you pour grease down the drain -- >> stephanie: it turns into a bus. >> the grease from chips -- >> stephanie: oh, there you go, fish and chips. it is the size of a bus literally. it's a 10-ton fatberg. the mass was made of fat and wet wipes. >> that's random. >> stephanie: they warned residents that certain things are simply not to be flushed. like fat and sanitary napkins. oh, is that what they call a tampon in london? >> i just think i'm going to

barf! >> you're not supposed to pour bacon grease down the drain and that's why -- >> you get a fatberg. fat-nato. [ applause ] >> stephanie: what was our listener's idea yesterday, dolphin-nato. >> yes, they'll hump you to death. >> stephanie: humping mindlessly. like any morning on sunset strip. >> what? >> stephanie: weiners sexting partner has done porn. who could have seen that coming. >> so to speak. >> stephanie: right, exactly. anthony weiner's sexting partner, has filmed a hard core masturbation porn. what is that -- >> that's what onning t -- octomom did too. >> stephanie: why is it called

that -- >> she is solo. >> stephanie: oh, i get it. >> think of it so a soliloquy of porn. >> yes, to be or not to -- oooooooooh got. [ heavy breathing ] [♪ magic wand ] >> stephanie: you never finish a sentence. >> right. >> you just end with ahhhhh. thou is the -- ahhhhh. >> you end up sounding like the cowardly lion. that's not a soliloquy. that's dickens. you keep doing that. >> stephanie: no? >> no. it's the start of tail of two cities. isn't it? >> yeah. >> stephanie: it's for vivid. in case you were wondering -- she was in here in l.a. -- >> i pass vivid every day. >> stephanie: all right. you missed your sydney leathers.

>> it's right across the studio from universal studios. >> step into the tram -- oh, hey now. [♪breaking news theme] >> stephanie: i got to google soliloquy so i can do the bit better when we came back. i must have been dozing during that class at usc theater. >> you are a theater major, and you don't know what a soliloquy is. >> stephanie: oh, for god sake's that was a thousand dead dreams ago. >> tom bro -- brokaw knows what a soliloquy is -- >> it could be a porn monologue. >> stephanie: i'll google that. and straight people of course of perfect moral values everywhere.

gay people are icky. i couldn't believe this story. a catholic teacher was fired after marrying his partner. they knew he had a partner for years and years and years, he got married and got fired. all right, seventeen minutes after the hour, right back on the stephanie miller soliloquy. >> announcer: i got her number off of the men's room stall, 1-800-steph-1-2. >> ...and a distinctly satirical point of view. >> but you mentioned great leadership so i want to talk about donald rumsfeld. >> (laughter) >> cutting throught the clutter of today's top stories. >> this is the savior of the republican party? i mean really? >> ... with a unique perspective. >> teddy rosevelt was a weak asmatic kid who never played sports until he was a grown up. >> (laughter) >> ... and lots of fancy buzz words. >> family values, speding, liberty, economic freedom, hard-working moms, crushing debt, cute little puppies.

if wayne lapierre can make up stuff that sounds logical while making no sense... hey, so can i. once again friends, this is live tv and sometimes these things happen. >> watch the show. >> only on current tv.

(vo) she gets the comedians laughing and the thinkers thinking. >>ok, so there's wiggle room in the ten commandments, that's what you're saying. (vo) she's joy behar. >>current will let me say anything. ♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ awe, freak out, la freak, la

sheik ♪ ♪ freak out ♪ ahhhhh freak out ♪ la freak la sheik ♪ freak out >> stephanie: uh-huh. twenty-one minutes after the hour. i always thought there was something too good to be true about that bottomless salad bar. [ farting sounds ] >> so that's the source of the -- >> stephanie: the outbreaks of diarrhea. >> at olive garden and -- >> stephanie: it's definitely not bottomless -- >> people are bottomless. they are actually blown their bottoms off. [ applause ] >> stephanie: all right. so that happened. be ware. >> i don't know if that planeful of brazilian teenagers -- >> it was chile, i believe. >> oh, okay. >> stephanie: there has been 40% more poo in the show today. what is going on. i was talking about this story

just because of all of the weiners in the world -- all of the straight people with their perfect family values. so magical in every way. i think this is a shame this day and age. gay teacher at catholic high school fired after marrying partner. he was fired after he married his partner and photos were published in the newspaper last month. ken of rancho [ inaudible ] was fired from his teaching position at st. lucy's high school days after he married his partner of ten years. officials have been aware of his sec wall orientation for about ten of the 17 years he was employed at the school. his attorney said ken was one of the school's star educators. the decision to fire him off he

married a man is heart breaking to him. he introduced his partner to administrators at school events. so they knew. while the school does not discriminate against teachers, public displays of behavior -- >> ah, behavior -- >> stephanie: letting legally married is a public display of behavior -- >> disgusting! >> stephanie: that are directly contrary to church teachings -- he has not ruled out filing a lawsuit. and on line petition to reinstate him has been started and already has thousands of signatures. >> it is sad but this is the sort of thing that still needs to be litigated. with ground breaking stuff like marriage equality, comes the ancillary stuff -- >> stephanie: but public displays of behavior, because a

wedding announcement ended up in a newspaper -- that's not exactly shoving it in somebody's face -- it seems to me it brings up a whole host of legal issues. >> it certainly does. and all of these do need to be looked at. >> stephanie: wow, that reince priebus, gym -- >> reince priebus! >> stephanie: he is scary -- [ dogs barking. ] >> hello he whined. >> stephanie: charlie pierce wrote some great stuff on this. he is threatening cnn and cnbc now. >> i'm threatening you. look out, i might just go crazy. just call me billy jack. billy jack prebus. >> stephanie: he said the -- say good-bye to hosting gop primary debates. what? he is going to leave them out of

that entertainment parade of -- >> whatever! >> stephanie: oh, that would be horrible. reince priebus send a strongly worded letter. >> you are a stupid poopy head. >> stephanie: i bet they are still trembling. >> how dare you. >> stephanie: warning them if they went forward with planned hillary clinton -- >> hah hah, showed you. >> we don't let rudolf join in any reindeer games! >> stephanie: i bet those are some ratings blockbusters. cnn announced it is showing a documentary about hillary clinton who is probably the most famous woman in the world. they announced they were producing a mini series starring diane lane --

>> stephanie: i'm sure just the letterhead saying reince priebus. >> tremble. >> i wonder what the thought on the many specials on the life of mitt romney. >> stephanie: yeah. just saying. i love it when he gets all butch. >> you people are stupid duty heads. >> stephanie: uh-huh. i'm not even certain there will be a republican party at that point. i don't -- we have been talking about this -- about what is happening with the republican party -- >> yeah. >> stephanie: and i -- i -- someone said -- the editorial yesterday are they self deinstructing? i'm like, oh, you mean it is still happening? you mean it could get worse. >> oh, god, it is going to get worse. tremble before me. >> stephanie: this is a sad, sad

little story. tea party distances itself from republican party stars. this wasn't the revolution the tea party had in mind. [ baby crying ] >> stephanie: it swept across of no-compromise lawmakers, and transforming up and coming stars including marco -- >> rubio! >> stephanie: conservative activists -- many have embraced more moderate positions on bedrock issues such as immigration and birth control. they keep sticking their finger in the eye of the people that got them elected. >> ow! ow! ow! >> stephanie: yeah, that's right, ralph, don't take that from someone named reince priebus. as charlie pierce said obvious anagram, reince priebus.

be a man, ralph, go! [ applause ] >> stephanie: they are threatening to stay home. i would stay home, yes! >> absolutely. [ ♪ patriotic music ] >> stephanie: principle, right? >> that's right. >> stephanie: don't mess around with these squishes. mitch mcconnell is a squish. he has been too cooperative with the president. >> primary the hell out of him! >> stephanie: seriously, he is getti getting tea bagged! and he has been too cooperative with the president! it is the ing-awesome. >> how can i be tea bagged. >> turtles don't have noses. >> stephanie: that's the problem today, too cooperative. twenty-nine minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." ♪

compelling true stories. (kaj) jack, how old are you? >> nine. (adam) this is what 27 tons of marijuana looks like. (vo) with award winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines. way inside. (christoff) we're patrolling the area looking for guns, drugs, bodies ... (adam) we're going to places where few others are going. [lady] you have to get out now. >> lots of terrible things happen to people growing marijuana. >> this crop to me is my livelihood. >> i'm being violated by the health care system. (christoff) we go and spend a getting to know the people and the characters that are actually living these stories. (vo) from the underworld, to the world of privilege. >> everyone in michael jackson's life was out to use him. (vo) no one brings you more documentaries that are real, gripping, current. >> occupy! >> we will have class warfare. (vo) true stories, current perspective. documentaries. on current tv.

this show is about analyzing, criticizing, and holding policy to the fire. are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night? is this personal, or is it political? a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i'm given to doing anyway, by staying in touch with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. in reality it's not like they actually care. this is purely about political grandstanding. i've worn lots of hats, but i've always kept this going. i've been doing politics now for a dozen years. (vo) he's been called the epic politics man. he's michael shure and his arena is the war room. >> these republicans in congress that think the world ends at the atlantic ocean border and pacific ocean border. the bloggers and the people that are sort of compiling the best of the day. i do a lot of looking at those people as well. not only does senator rubio just care about rich people, but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. but we do care about them right?

cenk off air alright in 15 minutes we're going to do the young turks! i think the number 1 thing than viewers like about the young turks is that were honest. they know that i'm not bsing them for some hidden agenda, actually supporting one party or the other. when the democrats are wrong, they know i'm going to be the first one to call them out. cenk on air>> what's unacceptable is how washington continues to screw the middle class over. cenk off air i don't want the middle class taking the brunt of the spending cuts and all the different programs that wind up hurting the middle class. cenk on air you got to go to the local level, the state level and we have to fight hard to make sure they can't buy our politics cenk off air and they can question if i'm right about that. but i think the audience gets that, i actually mean it. cenk on air 3 trillion dollars in spending cuts! narrator uniquely progressive and always topical, the worlds largest online news show is on current tv. cenk off air and i think the audience gets, "this guys to best of his abilities is trying to look out for us." only on current tv!

♪ >> your mission if you decide to accept it is to take certain the voters know the truth before they go to the polls -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. . >> -- will self destruct in five seconds. >> stephanie: oh, that happened a long time ago. >> wow. it happens every five seconds. >> time is up. [ explosion ] . >> stephanie: nobody help me. kevin in florida, you are on the "stephanie miller show." hi, kev. >> caller: hi, stephanie. i'm surprised i made it on. >> stephanie: right? lucky you.

go ahead. >> caller: [ inaudible ] a long-time republican, and what you guys were talking about earlier with the exclusion of the party is 100% right. long-time republican, yes, i voted for bush, but i did vote obama in the last election. the conservatives have hijacked that party. they just -- they are going crazy. they are going harder and harder to the right, and they don't want any sort of compromise with the president at all. and it's like that's not what government is right -- >> stephanie: thank you. >> caller: what he guys want out of elected officials is people to get up there and just ignore the president and anybody who doesn't share their viewpoints -- completely ignore it. >> stephanie: i don't get the -- even the whole concept of them wanting to be in government to that government don't do anything. i don't get it. >> caller: it's not that they don't want government to do anything. they have no problem when government interferes with other

people's lives for what they want. they have no problem with uncle sam telling you, you can't get married if you are gay -- >> stephanie: yeah, they are awfully interested in my lay bibits. [ laughter ] >> caller: and granted they are spectacular, kevin -- >> they are almost as interested in your lady bits as vivid video. >> well, you are no sydney leathers. >> stephanie: well, who is, really? i would never be offered masturbation porn, because i don't know how to do it. [♪ somber music [♪ somber music ] >> that's because you keep thinking about yourself. >> stephanie: right. we need a story. we knew nuance. >> nuance?

>> i'm fine with the old-ance. >> stephanie: there needs to be emotion involved. >> oh, come on, really? really with porn? >> stephanie: it has to be something that is real enough to either have happen or going to happen. it can't be some sort of ridiculous fictional thing, and it can't be something that happened in the past and it's not going to happen again, because then it just makes you sad. [♪ somber music ] >> why don't it just be the pizza girl comes over -- >> stephanie: because i'm a girl. that's not hot. pizza girl. >> you don't enjoy being a girl, apparently. >> stephanie: i do enjoy being a girl. chelsea lately tried to explain this to you -- she's fantastic. thank god i had help in here trying to explain this to you people. >> just get in, get out, get on with your life. that's all you need to do.

>> stephanie: really? you don't have to think about anything -- >> just pull something out of your spank bank, and go. >> stephanie: and how long does it take? just a few seconds? >> it depends, you can make it last for a couple of minutes. >> stephanie: oh, two minutes. >> half hour maybe. >> stephanie: jim is a little more -- jim needs a story line too. he needs some german history in it, something. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: i don't know what has happened to this republican party. there is a piece in the "daily beast," the republican party isn't conservative enough. >> yeah. right, that's the problem. >> stephanie: it's a problem among some republican elited like noted bag of gas, rush limbaugh. >> he needs to move further to the right. >> stephanie: maybe that's what they found out of the london

sewer, he was the giant fatberg. >> he was found with sanitary napkins. >> stephanie: it's not that - that -- the problem -- the problem is it isn't conservative enough. the people that sat home, he explained were mostly white republican voters who were dissatisfied with the republican parties rejection of conservatism. yes, farther to the right! [ ♪ patriotic music ] >> stephanie: follow the fatberg off the cliff. >> it was jen kirkman -- >> stephanie: that's right. and she tried to explain female masturbation. >> yes, we're going to try to get her in again. >> stephanie: yes. where was i -- oh, sorry. as they point -- they point out in the "daily beast," mitt

romney may have made his name as a moderate governor but his platform as a presidential nominee was a grab bag from the wish list of conservative activists. opposition to same-sex marriage, and a hard line stance on immigration. how did that work out for ya? and indeed in the nine months since romney lost, republicans have only moved further to the right. falling further into the [ inaudible ] and destruction. >> entrancesense. >> stephanie: you know what i'm saying. don't be obstinate. my point is they have to take noted fatberg, rush limbaugh's advise. 54% of republicans say their party's leadership isn't conservative enough. and they compromise too much in

their dealings with the president. >> right. they have given him too much ground. >> stephanie: right. they have been entirely too helpful. the most conservative voters are the most likely to vote in all elections including primaries. for the last four years he has all but led the gop opposition to barack obama, setting on a path of complete opposition. yet despite all of this mitch mcconnell faces a tea bagging from matt bevin who she's the five-term senator as a squish. >> how can i be a squish when i have a shell? >> stephanie: it's tempting to dismiss blevins as dilutional. he speaks for a group who

believes there can only be success if the party moves far, far to the left. and he also faces an awesome challenge from the left. >> yes. >> the doctors told senator mcconnell that he had a kidney stone, then he would refuse to pass it. [♪ circus music ] >> she write jokes. >> stephanie: senator mitch mcconnell. >> i want to say how nice it is to see jerry lundergrin back in the game. like the loyal democrat he is, he is taking orders from the obama campaign on how to run his daughter's campaign. they told him to make a pitch on the internet -- [ booing ] . >> -- and he sent a check to anthony weiner.

>> what? >> huh? >> i don't get it. >> stephanie: that was rousing. >> boo, internet. boo! why am i booing? >> stephanie: weiner jokes in there. awesome. and then matt grimes is the one tea bagging mitch mcconnell. >> people of kentucky have had enough of you fighting desperately to keep your job, while doing nothing to help keep jobs? kentucky. >> stephanie: that's right. >> that wasn't very rousing. >> stephanie: vern in chicago on tee baggers. hello, vern. >> caller: hey, stephanie and the mooks. i have been listening to you guys for a long time. i am a psychologist, but i don't want to get all analytical, and it's not funny. it does seem like there's a lot more people in the country who are supporting their way of

thinking, and it's kind of weird. >> stephanie: i think they are being used, yeah. they found a way to make people vote against their self interest. they were the ones that were screaming keep your hands off of my medicare. >> caller: right. they are cookie. they are fringy and kind of minimal -- >> stephanie: yeah, that's the point the fringe has become the main stream now. >> caller: yes, but if there's so many people on the fringe, maybe it's bigger than we thought -- >> not really. they got their ass handed to them in the presidential race -- >> caller: but look at how much representation there is in the house -- >> there aren't a lot of tea baggy people there. they are just the most vocal ones. there are probably only about 40

in the entire house. >> stephanie: they gave republicans the imagine yourty, but they are not really for the republican party. they believe now in trying to primary these people they don't think are conservative enough like mitch mcconnell. >> caller: right. try are the dump the baby out with the bath water kind of party. i guess sad that the gerrymandering stuff has carried politics this far. >> stephanie: yeah, i think it's a disaster for america. because you are right. they are gerrymandering, and only have to worry about tea party challenges from the right. all right. forty-five minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." >> announcer: join the party, 1-800-steph-1-2. ♪

>> if you believe in state's rights but still support the drug war you must be high. >> "viewpoint" digs deep into the issues of the day. >> do you think that there is any chance we'll see this president even say the words "carbon tax"? >> with an open mind... >> has the time finally come for real immigration reform? >> ...and a distinctly satirical point of view. >> but you mentioned "great leadership" so i want to talk about donald rumsfeld. >> (laughter). >> watch the show. >> only on current tv. (vo) she gets the comedians laughing and the thinkers thinking. >>ok, so there's wiggle room in the ten commandments, that's what you're saying. (vo) she's joy behar. >>current will let me say anything. ♪

♪ hey, now you're an all-star, get you game on, go play -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid ♪ ♪ all that glitters is gold, only shooting stars break the mold ♪ >> stephanie: hey now. it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome it to. fifty minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. charlie pierce coming up next hour. this hour brought to you by carbonite. we love us some carbonite backup here at the "stephanie miller show." it's what we used to back up all of the files on our computers here at work. carbonite business, it's the perfect backup solution for all

of the computers in your small business. if you run a small business or work for one, you know how important those files are to saving your arse. >> that's right. >> stephanie: unlike the old way of backing up hard drives et cetera, it's easy and quick to set up. for the cost of a nice business lunch, you can back up all of your computers for an entire year. carbonite.com, and the offer code is stephanie. pat in madison, you are on the "stephanie miller show." hi, pat. >> caller: hi, i would like to make a comment on the caller who talked about it seems like there are so many tea party people. i think what the situation is, years ago with the john [ inaudible ]. they knew who they were. tea party people are all over the place, and they have all

kinds of different views. and as progressives, we might even have some of their views at times. >> stephanie: right. >> caller: so it's really difficult to define them. >> stephanie: yeah, we have talked about, like rand paul is just like his father, we're like yes, yes, iraq and afghanistan were a bad idea, and then the next six things he says are -- [ cuckoo clock chimes ] >> stephanie: hey, looky here. they have a new female vice presidential candidate. utah beauty queen arrested for throwing bombs at houses. >> yeah, molotov cocktails. who throws molotov cocktails anymore? >> stephanie: police arrested

four teens including a beauty queen. the teens told them they were just prankin'. >> just bombing people that's all. >> stephanie: a couple of molotov cock tails between friends. police show the teens -- i don't know that for sure, jim. records show the teens purchased the materials at wal-mart. she was picked as the queen in june. but that will probably go away. >> but they paid every day low prices for the molotov cocktails. >> stephanie: i wonder if they told the runner up that? should you be prepared to serve should this winner will caught throwing molotov cocktails at people's houses?

and she probably said why, yes. i apologize, did i imply that the republicans are doing nothing in congress? >> what are they doing? >> stephanie: they are not doing nothing. they have voted for the 13th time to defund acorn. >> acorn doesn't exist. >> stephanie: right. they roughly shelled a bill last wednesday that would have marked the 13th time that republicans have voted to block federal funding for acorn. acorn did -- thank you for pointing that out, they disbanded in the spring of 2010. >> well, we have to defund them even more. >> stephanie: a congressional aid said they will also defund aid to the ottoman empire. [♪ circus music ] >> stephanie: a little bit of snark. what else are they working on?

yeah. the -- nancy pelosi's office said 13 votes to defund a program that no longer exists. 40 votes to fight obamacare. [ applause ] >> she is kind of known for her snarky comments and statements. >> uh-huh. >> i like that about her. >> stephanie: and now in a bipartisan fashion when there's the weiners and filners of the world -- with a lot of women getting weinered and filnered -- oh, i'm sorry, filner is getting therapy now. >> he has been there for minutes. >> cheeks out san diego are now saliva free. >> stephanie: that's awesome. >> filner? i just met her. >> stephanie: right? i'm not ready to weiner her yet.

i just filnered her. so we have been asking this conversation about who is going to win -- [♪breaking news theme] >> stephanie: now this could really weight the results. gingrich questions his own neo-con beliefs in favor of rand paul. >> frankly. >> stephanie: in the battle between the libertarian and gop wing he may have a defector. >> frankly. i'm a frank defector frankly. >> stephanie: it's so weird of him not to stick to his principals and values. >> frankly. >> stephanie: like he wouldn't stick to a belief or vow -- >> or wife. >> stephanie: i thought the subtlety would get away. >> i brought the sledge hammer. >> i was impressed that you said imply instead of infer. >> stephanie: right.

someone wrote me about that yesterday. newt gingrich said he was reevaluating his neo-con position, and guessing rand paul's more isolationist values warrant more attention. >> i'm very flip floppy frankly. >> stephanie: at some point you need to take a deep breath to ask if [ inaudible ] have succeeded. i think it would be healthy to go back and war game what alternative strategies would be better. and i like ted cruz and rand paul because they are talking about this. paul's -- the rift was most recently highlighted by the senate bid of liz cheney who embraces his evil neo-con father's -- okay. it didn't they. >> now you brought the sledge hammer. [♪breaking news theme] >> stephanie: oh, by the way, george w. bush just got a stint

in his -- >> in his heart. >> well, in an artery. >> we wish him well. >> stephanie: no -- did i imply or infer that i do not wish him well. >> you did neither, neither. >> easter. >> nither. >> stephanie: i didn't say anything bad at all. >> we wish him a speedy recovery. >> stephanie: of course we do. >> [ inaudible ] i would have been in trouble a long time ago. >> stephanie: now his heart looks like a bicycle wheel with baseball cards in the spokes. >> my heart is like a wheel. >> stephanie: that's what it sounds like. >> and it tastes scrapie. >> stephanie: all right. fifty-eight minutes after the hour. charlie pierce and much more as we continue on the "stephanie miller show."

♪ [♪ theme music ] >> stephanie: all right. current tv land, hour number 2, charlie pierce of esquire.com coming up, carlos alazraqui live in studio for hour number three. can you back me up in the fort about the female masturbation fantasies, we need something with a story and a little more background -- tommy sent me a picture of a pizza girl --

>> you need emotion. >> you need to know what the toppings are. >> stephanie: right. >> you need to know how many callries are in the pizza. >> is it thin crust? >> stephanie: exactly, how many spinning classes will this take -- >> does it come with twisty bread? >> exactly. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: all right. if your masturbation doesn't come with twisty bread you are doing it wrong. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: here is jacki schechner in the current tv center. >> good morning everybody, has stephanie just mentioned george w. bush had a stint put in this morning after doctors found a blockage in his artery yesterday during a routine fiscal. he is at texas health presbyterian hospital in dallas and should return home tomorrow. the trial of the army psychiatrist charged with killing 13 and wounding 32 others at fort hood is finally

set to start today. he is a muslim/american and prosecutors argue he took to radical islam before committing the massacre. he dismissed his right to counsel and will represent himself, which means he will be able to cross-examine witnesses including his own victims. he tried to plead guilty to avoid capitol punishment, but the military judge presiding over the case rejected the plea. wendy davis says she is definitely considering running for governor. she either will run for her own state seat again or make a bid for governor. rick perry announced he is not going to run for a fifth term. if davis chooses to win -- to run, rather, and wins, she will become texas's first democratic governor in 20 years.

we hope she does. we're back after the break. stay with us. ♪ (vo) current tv is the place for compelling true stories. (kaj) jack, how old are you? >> nine. (adam) this is what 27 tons of marijuana looks like. (vo) with award winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines. way inside. (christoff) we're patrolling the area looking for guns, drugs, bodies ... (adam) we're going to places where few others are going. [lady] you have to get out now. >> lots of terrible things happen to people growing marijuana. >> this crop to me is my livelihood. >> i'm being violated by the health care system. (christoff) we go and spend a considerable amount of time getting to know the people and the characters that are actually living these stories. (vo) from the underworld, to the world of privilege. >> everyone in michael jackson's life was out to use him. (vo) no one brings you more documentaries that are real, gripping, current. >> occupy! >> we will have class warfare.

(vo) true stories, current perspective. documentaries. on current tv.

this show is about analyzing, criticizing, and holding policy to the fire. are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night? is this personal, or is it political? a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i'm given to doing anyway, by staying in touch with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. in reality it's not like they actually care. this is purely about political grandstanding. i've worn lots of hats, but i've always kept this going. i've been doing politics now for a dozen years. (vo) he's been called the epic politics man. he's michael shure and his arena is the war room. >> these republicans in congress that think the world ends at the atlantic ocean border and pacific ocean border. the bloggers and the people that are sort of compiling the best of the day. i do a lot of looking at those people as well. not only does senator rubio just care about rich people, but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for

the middle class. but we do care about them right? ♪ ♪ it's a beautiful day ♪ don't let it get away >> stephanie: it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome to it. six minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. travis bone looking somewhat exasperated today.

hey, just want on update regarding your tv show. [ applause ] >> stephanie: listen, everybody remain calm. >> gentle down. >> stephanie: thursday will be our last day on current tv. we will have a new tv outlet, but we can't tell you, or we would have to kill you. and we urge you to watch al jazeera which will launch august 20th. they have lots of great talent -- >> yeah, antoinia mora. >> stephanie: and you can go to stephaniemiller.com, and sign up to be on our email list, and also follow us on facebook. so there everybody remain calm. >> on facebook you will get the most number of notifications. >> stephanie: right. there you go. it's not often that the two things we love best come together. newt gingrich and xxx porn. >> sorry, what? >> stephanie: both of which have come up in hour one.

>> oh, gak. >> hey there, looking to spice up life in your boudoir, then head on out to the new frank lee xxx flicks. frank lee is offering 25% all new major videos. check out such big sellers as the trickle down, the patriot missile and the job creator. mention you heard this ad and get an additional 15% off anything in our new santorium section. cam to frank lee's xxx-plex on highway 41, right next to rick perry's bunker. >> come on out to frank lee's

frankly. >> stephanie: oh, yikes. [ applause ] >> stephanie: did you see governor oops -- thought he was in the wrong state. he said nice to be here in florida. >> rick perry? >> he was in british columbia. >> stephanie: and now the story about a bear. why do i do that just so i can say -- >> now a story about a bear. >> stephanie: very clever bear takes restaurant's dumper to go. >> oh, no, mr. bear. >> i'm not an average bear, hey! yogi, what are you doing with a dumper yogi. >> stephanie: a dumpster diving bear has been caught on camera rushing off with the meal to she can dine in peace. she decided to take it's food to go, and rolled the bin some 50

feet into the parking lot to get a better look at what is going on -- >> bears in yosemite have been known to take the weather stripping out of the window -- >> oh, they will just punch the window out. even when i stayed at the big hotel at yosemite. they had to make sure you took all of the food, and even the toothpaste out of your car -- >> stephanie: it is spelled pick-a-nick. >> that's jelly stone. >> stephanie: talks are underway to trade alex rodriguez for edward snowden and a traitor to be named later. [♪ circus music ] >> stephanie: a-rod, what i'm shocked -- i tell you, shocked to find out -- [♪ dramatic music ] >> there's steroids in

professional baseball. >> stephanie: he was hit with an unprecedented game suspension by major league baseball. he is going to fight the suspension. so he gets to play in the meantime. >> i believe he played last night. >> stephanie: right. baseball said his ban is based on the use of numerous forms of drugs. and tried to frustrate the investigation. >> and as he said to his lawyer -- [ horse sound effect ] >> a-rod, why the long face. >> stephanie: lance armstrong says wow, what a douche? wow, really? what is the baseball organ they play -- now playing whatever --

[ trump pet sowning ] [ horse sound effect ] >> stephanie: i know i'm a girl, but i don't -- >> some people say it's cheating. >> stephanie: but don't they all do it seriously -- how many guys who's necks are the size of a buick don't go -- >> but it's against the rules. >> stephanie: alex rodriguez. >> obviously disappointed with the news today. no question. but what we have always fought for is the process, and i think we have that, and at some point we'll sit in front of an arbiter and give our case. >> and you continue -- [ horse sound ] >> disappointed! >> stephanie: talking about the last seven months. >> the last seven months has been a nightmare. it has been -- you know, probably the worst time of my life for sure. >> stephanie: maybe someone can explain this to me -- seriously

don't they all do it? it's like cycling, right? >> but it's against the rules. >> stephanie: i get it. >> i don't know that they all do it. >> stephanie: doesn't everyone have an asterisks now? >> the ones who play by the rules don't do it. >> stephanie: you follow the sports -- >> i don't follow any sports. >> stephanie: the guy that comes in after us you start talking some sort of guy thing -- >> he makes fun of me, because i'm both a dodgers fan and a diamondbacks fan. >> stephanie: well, that's like voodoo. all right. all right. so everybody has been talk about -- chatter -- the al qaeda chatter terror warnings -- >> hasn't he been killed like 17 times now?

>> stephanie: yeah, it is like manudo. they just keep recycling -- jay carney yesterday. >> there is no question over the past several years al qaeda core has been greatly diminished, and we have made clear over the past several years that al qaeda in the arabian peninsula is of particular concern. >> stephanie: the state department ordered nonessential personnel to leave the country of yemen. >> it is focused -- it could potentially be beyond the yemen

peninsula. >> stephanie: adam schiff slapped you down yesterday -- >> he certainly did. >> adam schiff is supposed to say that. he is not going to say, yes it's just a belly rub. >> stephanie: yes, it is. >> come on. >> stephanie: he's a serious guy. >> he did sound angry at me. >> stephanie: he did mention conspiracy theories. >> i know. it was just a question i had, that's all. >> stephanie: i don't trust lindsey graham because everything gives him the vapors including spiders which he makes john mccain kill. >> after benghazi these attacks are really on steroids -- >> so is a-rod. so we needed to do a drone strike on a-rod. >> stephanie: yeah.

it all magically melts together. >> that whole thing. >> stephanie: saxby chambliss. >> some individuals who are making plans such as we saw before 9/11, whether they are going to be suicide vests that are used or whether they are planning on vehicle-born bombs being carried into an area, we don't know. >> stephanie: do we know if miss utah is an al chi ta. >> i blame the pizza girl. >> this show is weird. >> stephanie: seventeen minutes after the hour, right back on the "stephanie miller show." >> announcer: for a good time call now, 1-800-steph-1-2. ♪

young turks! i think the number 1 thing than viewers like about the young turks is that were honest. they know that i'm not bsing them for some hidden agenda, actually supporting one party or the other. when the democrats are wrong, they know i'm going to be the first one to call them out. cenk on air>> what's unacceptable is how washington continues to screw cenk off air i don't want the middle class taking the brunt of the spending cuts and all the different programs that wind up hurting the middle class. cenk on air you got to go to the local level, the state level and we have to fight hard to make sure they can't buy our politics anymore. cenk off air and they can question if i'm right about that. but i think the audience gets that, i actually mean it. cenk on air 3 trillion dollars in spending cuts! narrator uniquely progressive and always topical, the worlds largest online news show is on current tv. cenk off air and i think the audience gets, "this guys to best of his abilities is trying to look out for us." only on current tv!

>> "viewpoint" digs deep into the issues of the day. >> has the time finally come for real immigration reform? >> with a distinctly satirical point of view. if you believe in state's rights but still believe in the drug war, you must be high. >> only on current tv.

♪ ♪ i remember when -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ said you want to walk me home from school, and i said, yes, i do ♪ ♪ she said, i don't like spiders and snakes and that ain't what it takes to love me ♪ >> okay, lindsay. [ screaming ] >> stephanie: lindsay, i know. it's a spider. john mccain will kill it, don't worry. awe! it is the "stephanie miller show." maybe it crawls up from under the fainting couch. [ screaming ] >> stephanie: lindsay calm down. twenty-one minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number

toll free from anywhere. >> it was living in amongst the smelling salts. >> stephanie: this hour brought to you by sodastream. wow! it is my favorite. just put your -- it fizzes up whatever your favorite flavor is. they have all of your favorite summertime flavors. >> if you have never tried a fizzy kool-aid, you are in for a treat. >> stephanie: exactly. fresh fizzy soda in just seconds. all you do is fill up the bottle with sold water, snap it into the machine, here is where you do the -- >> shhhunk. >> stephanie: that's you pushing the button. then add your choice of soda flavors -- >> wow! in the tv commercial they just do a little karate chop. >> stephanie: you don't even

need to do that. you can just push it -- >> i'm going to push it with my mind. >> stephanie: check out out sodastream, or go to sodastream.com to find stores near you. you know what you should not be drinking, russian vodka. [♪breaking news theme] >> stephanie: bar owners are boycotting russian vodka. in the wake of the newly passed russian law that bans the so-called propaganda of gay relations. >> there's plenty of polish and swedish, and even irish vodka. >> stephanie: right. exactly. what is going on with russia anyway. >> yeah. da. >> stephanie: did you see this madonna and lay gaga have been

accused of breaking immigration rules. they entered the country under incorrect paperwork. >> he is us your papers! >> stephanie: right. they'll have to live in the airport like snowden. who knows? [ laughter ] >> stephanie: the guy that authored the -- this -- whatever that stupid law -- the anti-gay propaganda. after they spoke in support of gay people, they tried to go after them in court. the claims were unsuccessful. [♪ dramatic music ] >> stephanie: speaking of the gay. i don't know which one she was, but one of the little cosbies -- >> raven simone. >> stephanie: right. raven simone. she officially came out. >> she wasn't rudy. she was olivia, the one they

brought in when rudy got too old. but that's so raven. >> stephanie: it is to raven. it's so gay. >> it's so gay-ven. >> stephanie: there's her new reality show! it's free. we just want a little something. [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] >> actually i stole it from someone's facebook page. >> stephanie: oh, okay. january brewer will meet be on the tarmac like she likes to do. ♪ ♪ bone finger ♪ harvard guy must think that they are so cool ♪ ♪ she passed high school

♪ bony limbs she will get in your face ♪ ♪ putting fingers right up in your face ♪ ♪ for a bony girl you will not mess with ♪ ♪ it's a headless corpse ♪ mrs. bone finger ♪ president be ware of her [ inaudible ] ♪ ♪ her finger's cold >> stephanie: bur. ♪ she's really that old ♪ bony and old >> stephanie: wow. [ applause ] >> stephanie: some pipes. >> yeah. >> stephanie: is that our audra? i believe it was. >> ummm -- >> i get them confused. >> yeah, me too.

it could be mary in ann arbor. >> stephanie: this is troubling -- i'm troubled. [♪breaking news theme] >> stephanie: i guess since i don't have drugs i don't have anything to worry about. dea a secretive u.s. drug enforcement administration is sending a massive telephone log to help launch criminal investigations. jay carney yesterday. >> it's our understanding that the department of justice is looking at some of the issues raised in the story, but for more i would refer you to the department of justice. >> there was an awful film of chris hayes was showing of storm troopers breaking into someone's house because he was selling marijuana, and they shot the dogs, and didn't even have the

decency to kill it, it was screaming in pain in front of the kids over some pot. >> stephanie: yeah. charlie wrote some great stuff on the war on drugs. the whole war-on concept in general -- >> war on americans. >> stephanie: all of these cases rarely involve national security issues. law enforcement agents have been directs to conceal how such cases begin. the documents show that federal agents are showed to recreate the investigative trail. a practice that some experts say violates a defendant's right to a fair trial. if defendant's don't know how an investigation began, they cannot ask for evidence. some legal experts said the program sounds more troubling. the nsa's efforts are geared to stopping terrorists, and the dea

is targeting drug dealers. ordinary crime is entirely different. it sounds like they are phonying up investigation. there were two senior dea officials quoted here. they defended the program saying trying to recreate an investigative trail is not only legal but a technique that is used almost daily. we would alert state police to find an excuse to stop a vehicle and then have the dogs search it. the training document refers to the process of parallel construction. the senior official said the process is kept secret to protect sources and investigative methods. it's a decade's old process. we'll talk to charlie pierce about that and more. charlie pierce of esquire.com

next on the "stephanie miller show." >> that's hilarious. >> ... and the thinkers thinking. >> okay, so there is wiggle room in the ten commandments is what you're telling me. >> she's joy behar. >> ya, i consider you jew-talian. >> okay, whatever you want. >> who plays kafka? >> who saw kafka? >> who ever saw kafka? >> (laughter). >> asking the tough questions. >> chris brown, i mean you wouldn't let one of your daughters go out with him. >> absolutely not. >> you would rather deal with ahmadinejad then me? >> absolutely! >> (singing) >> i take lipitor, thats it. >> are you improving your lips? >> (laughter). >> when she's talking, you never know where the conversation is going to go. >> it looks like anthony wiener is throwing his hat in the ring. >> his hat. >> always outspoken, joy behar. >> and the best part is that current will let me say anything. what the hell were they thinking? >> only on current tv.

(vo) current tv is the place for compelling true stories. (kaj) jack, how old are you? >> nine. (adam) this is what 27 tons of marijuana looks like. (vo) with award winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines. way inside. (christoff) we're patrolling the area looking for guns, drugs, bodies ... (adam) we're going to places where few others are going. [lady] you have to get out now. >> lots of terrible things happen to people growing marijuana. >> this crop to me is my livelihood. >> i'm being violated by the health care system. (christoff) we go and spend a considerable amount of time getting to know the people and the characters that are actually living these stories. (vo) from the underworld, >> everyone in michael jackson's life was out to use him. (vo) no one brings you more documentaries that are real, gripping, current. >> occupy! >> we will have class warfare. (vo) true stories, current perspective. documentaries. on current tv.

this show is about analyzing, criticizing, and holding policy to the fire. are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night? is this personal, or is it political? a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i'm given to doing anyway, by staying in touch with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. in reality it's not like they actually care. this is purely about political grandstanding. i've worn lots of hats, but i've always kept this going. i've been doing politics now for a dozen years. (vo) he's been called the epic politics man. he's michael shure and his arena is the war room. >> these republicans in congress that think the world ends at the atlantic ocean border and pacific ocean border. the bloggers and the people that are sort of compiling the best of the day. i do a lot of looking at those people as well. not only does senator rubio just care about rich people, but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. but we do care about them right?

♪ >> are you kidding me? the hair? the voice! the wise beyond ageness, i have seen -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. . >> -- many times before, and it always works. >> stephanie: uh-huh. it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome to it. thirty-four minutes after the hour, comedian carlos alazraqui live in studio in hour number 3. it now it's our regular tuesday guy -- ♪ pierce ♪ he's a clown ♪ pierce >> stephanie: charlie pierce political columnist for esquire.com.

♪ why is everybody always laughing with me ♪ >> stephanie: good morning, charlie pierce. good morning, charlie pierce? >> hello? >> hello. >> stephanie: going once, going twice. what has hand to charlie pierce -- [ dial tone ] [ laughter ] >> stephanie: all right. we will -- hopefully we'll relocate charlie and talk to him in a moment. i'm guessing i already know his thoughts on the dea stuff, because clearly there are troubling issues surrounding -- >> uh-huh. >> stephanie: the nsa thing. but this is an entirely different thing, and i think that's the problem. it's like -- i think that part is a slippery slope when people say i'm a drug dealer, i don't have to worry because some of it so troublesome. >> we are guilty until proven innocent. >> stephanie: did you hear the story they barged into someone's house because they were looking at pressure cookers online.

>> stephanie: right. oh, he is back. good morning, charlie pierce. >> i didn't even get my theme music today. >> stephanie: you did, and then you weren't there. >> i was not there, because travis is running a profitable telephone sex empire. >> stephanie: right. explain to me the a-rod stuff, because i'm a girl. go ahead. >> well, i thought you were -- i thought you were -- you know, i thought like gay women knew all about sports. i thought that was part of the deal. >> she's not a softball kind of lesbian. >> stephanie: yeah, i'm all roided out. but charlie don't they all do it? >> a lot of them do, and it's helpful for the uninitiated to look upon this the way we look

on all drug frenzies, which is they make no logic, and people should be left alone to do with their bodies what they want as long as they do it in an informed manner. i could care less one way or another. >> stephanie: yeah. >> [ inaudible ] calls it the war on people who use some drugs. >> right. >> stephanie: how do you think this one is going to work out, though? >> i think he's done. i think he suspension he got will stand, and by the time it is over, he won't have much left. i mean i -- in one way, i'm -- you know, i i'm -- i'm -- i'm sort of happy because he is sort of a santorium, but on the other hand -- >> stephanie: have you mentioned what a colossal [ censor bleep ] rick santorum is lately? >> i haven't. so that's why i thought i would

bring it up. but i'm glad he is fighting it. somebody has to. i don't like arbitrary justice in the workplace. i think the hysteria surrounding this stuff has been an embarrassment to my profession. >> stephanie: yeah. it's hard for lay people to go -- i was just reading about two former officials defended this. they said this is always the way they have gotten tips, but it sounds very troubling, does it not? >> i think we're at the point now where none of this stuff these people say can be taken at face value. >> stephanie: right. >> because if you say prove to me the truth of what you are saying, they say, we can't do that, because it's secret. i don't buy that anymore. you have gone to that club once too often. and i -- i presume we are being

spied on by a number of government agencies. >> uh-huh. >> stephanie: yeah, it's -- >> this is happy fun time today. >> stephanie: yeah, i'll say. happy fun time. you talk about the sunday shows. i love your coverage of the sunday shows, but i had some of the same thoughts, and you say have i mentioned recently what a colossal [ censor bleep ] rick santorum is -- >> why is he on television at all? what is his field of expertise. the last time he ran for his state he lost by 15 points to the invisible man. >> claude rains? >> stephanie: yeah, you are right because there he is with no foreign policy credential at all, gets invited on tv to be the colossal [ censor bleep ] that he is, and to call the president chicken. which by the way as you said drew the ire of squint

scarborough. [ laughter ] >> i really haven't enjoyed joe's work since he was the banjo player in deliverance. >> stephanie: yeah, and as you say chasing bill clinton's penis all over the beltway. >> he was the star at that, as was lindsey graham. it's time for lindsay to flex again, my friends. >> grr! i'm tough! >> stephanie: obviously it was interesting, though, in terms of -- you know, partisan lines, right? on meet the press, because there is rick santorum going oh, well, we're having this al qaeda chatter because the president is weak, and scarborough is saying i'm no fan of the president -- >> but by god he has skilled enough people to convince me. >> stephanie: yesterday we had adam schiff on -- >> i love the fact that he has the same name as the guy on law

and order. >> stephanie: you say dick cheney we didn't believe because it was all meant to scare us to get us into iraq. >> oh, yeah, happy august 6th tbd day. >> great. fantastic. >> stephanie: wow. maybe that's why george w. bush needed that stint -- >> haven't we killed this guy like 17 times? >> no, no, no. we keep killing the number three guy. >> stephanie: i thought it was the number two guy. >> we were killing number two for a while. have we gone down to number three? >> yeah. no, no, i'm number six. i'm fine. i'll be the guy that runs the parking lot. no, really i'll be the valet parker. i don't want to be number 2. i don't. i can't take the responsibility.

besides bob over here who i hate he can do it. >> i don't believe in even numbers. >> stephanie: speaking of terrorists by the way, tamerlan tsarnaev this was an interesting story, scribed to publications espousiing white supremacy, and government conspiracy theories. another in his possession was about the rape of our gun rights. reading material he had about white supremacy, hitler had abpoint. and what motivated mass killings, and how the perpetratored remained calmly. and the plight of those still in guantanamo bay. >> he has become fully american,

and i wouldn't be surprised if he died on hold for the alex jones show. [ laughter ] >> if you are going to fight for caucasian rights, it help to be from -- >> stephanie: yeah, how aim going to guess that the right-wing worlds are only going to mention the left-wing things in there. >> is the whole 9/11 thing, right-wing or left wing? that's sort of free-floating crazy, right? >> stephanie: yes, i agree. >> the glower from across the room. you can't get famous on conspiracy theories on oklahoma city unless you believe iraq was behind them. >> stephanie: yeah, he seems to have spent months marinading in a hundred different spices of american lunasy. he was a bipartisan sociopath.

>> i mean to me it makes it -- and i use this word with no approval attached. it makes it a much more interesting story. >> stephanie: yeah. my favorite was the rugged rhetoric of reince priebus. >> yes, the new director of programming for msnbc. >> stephanie: yes. you said the high priest of the silly party has decided to butch himself up again. and if you don't kill a major project involving the biography of the most famous women in the world, we will refuse to let you participate in wing-nut-nato. and then you mentioned --

[ overlapping speakers ] >> was she eaten by a shark in the previous -- >> she was not asked to come back. >> wait a minute she was impossible on the set of shark-nado? >> she was a-- not asked to return. >> by the way little known sports fact, sarah reid, tom brady's first movie star girlfriend. way back in the day. >> stephanie: wow. >> and he is not the one with the crocs. >> tom does ugs. >> stephanie: oh, thank you. >> this is a wall sized tom brady wearing his ugs. >> stephanie: you finish on reince priebus by saying -- really it's like watching a tolder in a mark

hanna suit. >> that's a really funny joke if you happen to be 113 years old. >> stephanie: which i am. >> nobody listens to him, including the people in his own party. i'm sorry, diane lane, we can't use you because reince priebus got tough with us. >> stephanie: right. his own party puts out this report, and they have now done everything opposite of what is in the report. >> yeah, we're in an idealogical bubble, so let's make sure we can only put our debates on fox news. >> stephanie: yeah, they are doing a hilary documentary -- >> cnn is doing a documentary, and nbc is doing a mini series with diane lane. which, by the way i don't see that at all. >> throw a blonde wig on her, and i think she can pull it off.

>> she is blonde anyway, isn't she? >> no, brown. >> i think it could even be wilder than it was last time. >> stephanie: maybe they should reconsider then. >> especially with sanatorium delling the dancing master this weekend that he is thinking of running again. and he is going back to iowa. and peter king, are you kidding me? this could be great. >> stephanie: can we survive another sanatorium surge. >> it would be a sanatorium-nado. >> stephanie: all right. charlie pierce great stuff as always. >> in this weekend i'll be in rochester, new york. >> stephanie: oh, my god, pop a jenny cream ail for me, won't you? >> i will do that. >> stephanie: all right. [ applause ] >> stephanie: charlie pierce.

forty-seven minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." >> announcer: there is a tea party in her pants and you are invited. call now, 1-800-steph-1-2.

very, very excited about that and very proud of that. >>beltway politics from inside the loop. >>we tackle the big issues here in our nation's capital, around the country and around the globe. >>dc columnist and four time emmy winner bill press opens current's morning news block. >>we'll do our best to carry the flag from 6 to 9 every morning. >> "viewpoint" digs deep into the issues of the day. >> has the time finally come for real immigration reform? >> with a distinctly satirical point of view. if you believe in state's rights but still believe in the drug war, you must be high. >> only on current tv.

♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ you're still the one who can scratch my itch ♪ ♪ you're still the one that [ inaudible ] ♪ we're still having fun, and you're still the one ♪ >> stephanie: it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome it to. fifty-two minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. charlie pierce reminding us that rick santorum and as he mentioned what a colossal

[ censor bleep ] he is, was on meet the press, and is going to run in 2016. so we have had the official warning. >> a santorium surge warning. a sanatorium surge is moving from colorado to missouri. residents are urged to take precautions immediately, which include covering doorways and windows with wood and duct tape. take any plants that might be effect by a sanatorium surge with plastic bags. >> stephanie: all right. do, do, do, do, do. okay. garrett this georgia.

>> caller: hi, how are y'all doing this morning? >> stephanie: good. >> caller: i just called about the dea thing. and i guess it's in california -- i didn't hear quite the entire story, but i did hear y'all talking about the guy getting his dog shot. which is real really -- really -- it's a coincidence because that happens more than you would think to people in california, because having pitbulls is a big deal over there. i was from over there, and worked at this [ inaudible ] storage places, and it's a sad thing to see how many people come into those things that need help, and then our government is just like, we don't care. we don't care. we don't care that people are getting beneficial help. that aren't getting addicted to drugs. >> stephanie: yeah, i hear ya. i'm wearing my dog rescue hat today. >> yeah, there was a story about

a man who saves his dog from a sinking yacht, and then runs back to get his wife. >> stephanie: and what's your point. good boy. >> and then the wife. >> stephanie: sink or swim. rob in phoenix you are on the "stephanie miller show." oh, with some jan brewer fun facts. [♪ fun-facts music ] >> caller: yeah, just some fun facts about the governor of the wonderful state of arizona here. first of all besides looking like the guy from "saw" -- [ laughter ] >> caller: i ware my momma has handbags in better shape than that. [ laughter ] >> caller: also her nickname ash the capitol here is otis from the andy griffith show. i'm not saying that she drinks, but she can drink you, momma,

and john boehner under the table. [ glugging sound ] >> i know for a fact that she drinks. she loves the chardonnay. >> stephanie: gal after my own heart. >> that explains that press conference -- >> stephanie: no, that was her opening statement in a debate. that's the thing you are supposed to prepare in advance -- that's sounds like when i call you at cocktail hour and forget what i called you for -- >> oh, yeah. >> stephanie: i'm like chris -- i . . . >> but you are so three sheets to the wind that you think you have said something coherent and witty. >> stephanie: right. and i'm like where is that thing i asked you for. and you are like you didn't ask for anything. can i get a whoo whoo! >> i need it for the first segment tomorrow.

[ dial tone ] >> stephanie: billy writes steph i just rebuilt an expensive kitchen faucet. after four days in parts and chalk, it works again. however, when i lift the lever it has the distinctive sound of turtles getting it gone. thanks to you that image is forever burned into my soul. [ turtles moaning ] >> stephanie: i'm not a plumber, but i think that's probably wrong if your turtles are getting it on -- [ turtles moaning ] >> stephanie: let's wait for the end. are you done? [ moan ]

[ applause ] >> wow. i resent that sort of thing. >> stephanie: that eye roll was the turtle version of are you done yet? are you finished? really? how long is this going to take. there was some blurred lines of wrongless, speaking of which, robin thick has spent over $490,000 on marijuana. >> wow. ♪ >> stephanie: yeah. maybe that's marijuana smoke he's blowing in the model's face. he said i do smoke. i do everything i'm not supposed to do. see. bad boy. >> i wonder what dad things about that. >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ you know you want it, you know you want it ♪ >> stephanie: all right. we will be right back with carlos alazraqui live in studio on the "stephanie miller show." ♪ come on

[♪ theme music ] >> stephanie: all right current tv land. hour number three. carlos alazraqui live in studio, right now -- on his way in, jacki schechner. >> i think you missed the obvious, if robin thick smoked less weed, his lines would be bless blurry. [♪ circus music ] >> stephanie: there you go, jacki schechner. >> why does that video bother you so much in light of all of the rap and hip hop videos over

the years that are ten times more offensive than that one -- >> stephanie: it doesn't bother me that much. i just pretended it in on cnn. the song is too catchy. >> i'm saying in the world of music videos, it's fairly tame -- >> you are absolutely right. >> stephanie: the difference i don't see any of the other ones -- i only see the ones i'm shown. all right. here she is in the current news center, jacki schechner. >> florida governor rick scott has secretary of state creating a new list of voters he suspects are non-citizens by cross checking information with the federal database this time around. he promised he would have the next initiative ready to go within the next 60 days.% last time they created a list,

186,000 turned into 198 before the election supervisor scrapped the whole search all together. and mark zuckerberg is speaking publicly for the first time about why he has gotten involved in the immigration debate. he explains he once taught a class on entrepreneurship and was touched by the experience. >> one of the students raised his hand and said i'm not sure i'm going to be able to go to college because i'm undocumented. >> they funded an advocacy group pushing for a path to reform and path to citizenship. they are interested in tech firms being able to get visas. they have held meetings in

several cities to talk about the tech issues and immigration issues that they face. we're back after the break. ♪ they should self-deport? >> no, they said "make us a turkey and make it fast". >> (laughter). >> she gets the comedians laughing. >> that's the best! >> that's hilarious. >> ... and the thinkers thinking. >> okay, so there is wiggle room in the ten commandments is what you're telling me. >> she's joy behar. >> ya, i consider you jew-talian. >> okay, whatever you want. >> who plays kafka? >> who saw kafka? >> who ever saw kafka? >> (laughter). >> asking the tough questions. >> chris brown, i mean you wouldn't let one of your daughters go out with him. >> absolutely not. >> you would rather deal with ahmadinejad then me? >> absolutely! >> (singing) >> i take lipitor, thats it. >> are you improving your lips? >> (laughter). >> when she's talking, you never know where the conversation is going to go. >> it looks like anthony wiener is throwing his hat in the ring. >> his what in the ring? >> his hat. >> always outspoken, joy behar. >> and the best part is that current will let me say

anything. what the hell were they thinking? >> only on current tv.

(vo) current tv is the place for compelling true stories. (kaj) jack, how old are you? >> nine. (adam) this is what 27 tons of marijuana looks like. (vo) with award winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines. way inside. (christoff) we're patrolling the area looking for guns, drugs, bodies ... (adam) we're going to places where few others are going. [lady] you have to get out now. >> lots of terrible things happen to people growing marijuana. >> this crop to me is my livelihood. >> i'm being violated by the health care system. (christoff) we go and spend a considerable amount of time getting to know the people and the characters that are actually living these stories. (vo) from the underworld, to the world of privilege. >> everyone in michael jackson's life was out to use him. (vo) no one brings you more documentaries that are real, gripping, current.

>> occupy! >> we will have class warfare. (vo) true stories, current perspective. documentaries. on current tv. ♪ ♪ it's a beautiful day ♪ don't let it get away >> stephanie: it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome it to. six minutes after the hour, 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. what is that smell? ♪ that's good coffee >> stephanie: coffey with carlos alazraqui. >> mown grown coffee. >> stephanie: carlos alazraqui

>> hand-picked by jean valdez. good to the last drop. >> it's completely racist. all kinds of latino voices. good morning. >> stephanie: what do you play in the new pixar movie? >> i play [ inaudible ] and i love a delicious cup of coffee. >> stephanie: you play -- it's in planes. >> it's in planes. he is a lover. a fighter, a [ inaudible ] whatever you say. that other kind of pastry. i got my latino on for the show. >> stephanie: and you were at the premier. >> i was at the premier. saw chris's friend. and they put on a good shindig. i said to teri hatcher, i said i love you in the big picture. and she says to me that was my first film, and i said you were good. and she says why thing you. and there you go. yeah. this is north dakota radio. so there is a story for you.

[ applause ] >> stephanie: nicely done. >> yeah, and the fish are biting this morning. >> oh, yaw. >> stephanie: we were saying you have now played every type of transportation. >> i think i have. a car, a bus, submarine -- >> next comes disney pixars seattl seatt seattle -- satellites. >> yeah, i'm moving on up. [♪breaking news theme] >> stephanie: americans divided on obama's handling of race relations. the poll shows a pronounced split among partisan and racial lines. >> imagine that. >> so you mean black republicans versus white democrats. >> stephanie: 78% say they disapprove of his handling of

race relations. 78% of blacks, and 68% of hispanics approve, and 53% of whites say they disapprove. i have discovered one thing, carlos, i believe i am not white. [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] >> you are not white? >> stephanie: no, i did not think that could be clearer, that whole george zimmerman thing. in terms of like that it would break down racially. an unarmed teenager got shot by -- >> barney fife! i'm telling you! let me get baby out of my chamber. and people will tell you why can't you let it go. and it's like why can't you let the results of the civil war go? take down that dixie flag, please. >> stephanie: yeah. i don't get it. oh, looky here -- [♪breaking news theme] >> stephanie: yet another gun

story. this is how we resolve -- i think it was some sort of municipal building -- it was a hearing about -- you know, his property, and bust through the wall of the municipal building in pennsylvania, barged in the room continuing fire and killing three people. >> but in the municipal building weren't there like armed guards there? >> it was a tiny town so there might not be. >> stephanie: i was on cnn last night, and did you see the tape of these kids getting beaten up on the bus? i think it was in florida. >> i don't know. >> stephanie: but i was saying as bad as it was, thank god nobody was armed because then there would have been dead kids. the bus driver -- i mean he is 64 -- it was horrible -- these three fifteen year olds were beating up a thirteen year old. and we were talk about should he

intervene. and he seemed tortured by it. the right-winger on with us, was like i thought you liberals want to help everybody. and i'm like really would you have walked in to the middle of that -- >> what state was it in? >> i think florida. >> should have had a firearm. stand your ground. snee yeah, we always talk about his armchair heros, i would have -- no you wouldn't have buford, you would have pooped your pants. >> i'm 64, that wasn't one of my prerequisites in my interview. are you prepared to fight giant 15 year old kids. yes, i am. all right, you are hired. i'm telling you i went at 'em alice. >> stephanie: ralph, boom to

moon! >> one of these days alice. or robert de niro. >> little bit. >> i know you, you don't mess with a man's family. come on -- come on -- what is it called? >> stephanie: i know what you mean. >> something in the bronx. >> stephanie: yes, a bronx tail. >> rumble in the bronx. >> >> stephanie: no. >> stray cats, what? >> stephanie: hold your calls we also have a winner for today's i [ censor bleep ] shot myself. >> oh know -- no. >> stephanie: he is shot himself in the groin. ♪ oh, son of a bitch ♪ i just [ censor bleep ] shot myself ♪ ♪ i just [ censor bleep ] shot

myself ♪ >> he is one of those geniuses who would shove a loaded gun down the front of his pants. >> stephanie: yes, probably. >> conducted by plaxico burress. >> stephanie: tommy in columbus, hey, buddy. >> caller: hey, momma. >> stephanie: you are on with carlos. >> caller: two things carlos alazraqui's name if you translate it is carlos the vampire. >> stephanie: did you put your name in the carlos danger name generator. >> i did. i would be carlos the dangerous vampire. [ speaking spanish ] >> caller: momma one thing real quick. this weekend i saw eric cantor complaining about the government can't create jobs --

>> stephanie: except for his -- >> caller: he has had a government job for 20 years. >> give me a health plan that is, you know, single payer. >> stephanie: thank you. thank you, tommy. ♪ wheel of right-wing hypocrites ♪ >> stephanie: that is amazing to watch them say that. it's like you have had a government job for a long time. >> that's different when i do it. >> he is just al gore with glasses, isn't he? >> it looks like he smells something bad. >> stephanie: since i'm obviously on a racist bent this morning. i do have a question for you -- [ laughter ] >> ask the latino? >> stephanie: yes, time to ask the latino. [♪ "jeopardy" theme music ] [overlapping speakers] >> stephanie: it was on the radio, i heard a latino woman

speaking -- >> i have never been called -- go ahead. >> stephanie: she had no accent of any kind except when she said the word latino. >> it's like a terrorist bear that suddenly appears. i didn't know you were a terrorist. yes, look at my beard. it's almost like hey, steph i want to go to your party tonight, but my sheule doesn't fit it. it's showing that we are proud of our heritage. [ speaking spanish ] >> i'm american. i can keep those newbies come fromming over. i tell you what.

>> stephanie: you speak cracker. >> yeah, i do. >> stephanie: jennifer lopez is going to get paid $15 million to return as a judge of "american idol." she can buy the entire block now. >> yes. >> stephanie: she will join keith urban, and will-i-am is rumored to be number three. >> wow, j-lo is back. >> stephanie: yeah, exactly. there you go. >> she has her own chair. >> stephanie: exactly. were you making a big ass joke -- >> no. i just said she has her own chair. you went there. >> she does have a big ass. [ buzzer ] >> stephanie: wow. we magically went full circle there. >> for a good time, call now,

1-800-steph-1-2. to the fire. are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night? is this personal, or is it political? a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i'm given to doing anyway, by staying in touch with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. in reality it's not like they actually care. this is purely about political grandstanding. i've worn lots of hats, but i've always kept this going. i've been doing politics now for a dozen years. (vo) he's been called the epic politics man. he's michael shure and his arena is the war room. >> these republicans in congress that think the world ends at the atlantic ocean border and pacific ocean border. the bloggers and the people that are sort of compiling the best of the day. i do a lot of looking at those people as well. not only does senator rubio just care about rich people, but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. but we do

care about them right?

i think the number one thing that viewers like about the honest. they can question whether i'm right, but i think that the audience gets that this guy, to the best of his ability, is trying to look out for us.

♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ ain't no doubt, we are here to party ♪ ♪ come on out, let's get started ♪ ♪ dance with the boogie get down ♪ ♪ boogie nights are always the best in town ♪ >> stephanie: it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome to it. sipping our coffee with carlos. 1-800-steph-1-2. hoye in california you are on with carlos. >> caller: hey, stephanie.

i love you. >> stephanie: thank you. oh, i love you back. >> caller: the thing is i'm calling about trayvon martin -- should i talk now? >> stephanie: yes, go ahead. >> caller: okay. i'm -- i'm 72 years old, and in my lifetime my mother and father walked with martin luther king for voting rights, so 72 years later, i'm looking at what is going on, and i'm terrified. all african americans in this country right now, we're terrified. we're walking a line that nobody else can understand. and i love you. and thank you for bringing the truth out. we must look at what has happened to trayvon, and 75% of the prison populations are blacks. and the reason there are gangs and murder is because don't have a chance. >> stephanie: oh, thank you, honey. did you hear what oprah said?

she and forrest whitaker and someone else were talking, and she said maybe it's generational, but i never use the n word. you can't be my friend and use the n word because think of all of the people who that was the last word they heard while they were swinging from a tree. >> right. and arguing on the more conservative side, she was saying even people of hip hop who use it -- >> she's not cool with that, yeah. >> i think she made an excellent point. and i could agree with some of the conservative sides of the argument, part of the problem is birth control in some of the neighborhoods the rates of single parents, and fathers are leaving, those are systemic problems, and i will agree with the former person that we had larry elder, although he used it to sort of defend his case,

which i thought was irrelevant to somebody shooting a teen, but she brought it up. there are systemic problems that using birth control could help nip it in the bud. [♪breaking news theme] >> stephanie: by the way, mike kelley says that president obama divides us on race. his colleague from florida said president obama's policy is race us because of its attacks on tanning salons. >> what? >> stephanie: ted yoho, said a provision of obamacare imposing a 10% tax on tanning salons is a racist tax. he also said he would back legislation -- >> i have heard this execution

before. >> stephanie: -- steve stockman republican of texas that would look into the birth certificate accusations -- >> oh, really? [♪ somber music ] >> he is controversially racist by virtue of being elected. that set off a storm when he was elected. what? >> stephanie: you know what is odd too. we have said obama derangement syndrome is the worst i have seen in my words of talking about politics. however, i have heard that hilary derangement syndrome will be worse. [♪breaking news theme] >> stephanie: republican super pac wants you to slap hillary clinton across the face. they sent an email blasting, have you slapped hilary today? it's a cute little animated thing. >> why?

why? >> stephanie: just because. >> oh, female beating. >> stephanie: a super pac allows you to slop hillary clinton across the face. the game is being hosted on the website for the hilary project and anti-clinton super pac. they are terrified. you sent me a piece the other day, 16 reasons why hilary is going to win written by a conservative. >> yeah. >> stephanie: it was produced by the slap hilary team -- >> it's a team. >> stephanie: and began with the tweet have you slapped hilary? >> it's a team. she has got a hand, what do we do with the other hand. i think this election will be a landslide. if i'm hilary's campaign manager i take her out to a shooting range and a 3-minute montage of her shooting every weapon.

she likes to shoot too. and they would go, oh, my god, she likes to shoot too. >> but the left wouldn't like that. >> but we know. shhh. >> stephanie: billy from texas. did you get your check for this phone call yet? >> caller: my check? >> stephanie: do you get a check per show? >> caller: did you send me a check? >> stephanie: no, no, the right-wing organization. all right. go ahead, what was your point. >> caller: well, you are talking about trayvon martin again. trayvon martin was killed precisely because of the kind of hate you fomeant on your show. >> stephanie: the kind of hate towards -- >> white people. >> stephanie: i'm a white

person. >> caller: i know you are. >> why am i hitting myself? >> caller: trayvon felt em-boldened by that kind of hate. he punched zimmerman in the face and started a fight with him -- >> stephanie: so you are fairly certain that trayvon martin listened to me -- >> caller: i don't know who listens to you, stephanie, but i do. >> you do. >> stephanie: and that's all i need. >> caller: you are lying. >> stephanie: about what? >> caller: you are misrepresenting what happened with trayvon martin -- >> stephanie: how do you know what happened? >> caller: how do i know what happened? >> stephanie: yes. >> caller: a lot of it came out in the trial, nobody knows -- >> only one side came out in the trial, the only guy who was alive. the other side was dead. >> stephanie: you know why i say that, because i'm a race traitor. >> you are a race traitor,

stephanie ♪ ♪ when will you learn what you did as a harmless gay ♪ >> you are a race traitor. ♪ it's amazing what they'll do ♪ race traitor, meep meep ♪ if she gets to you, you're through ♪ >> stephanie: voice by carlos alazraqui. >> it wasn't me. based on the facts of the case and what the standing law was, there wasn't much the prosecution could have done. unfortunately that law, once they got beyond -- >> stephanie: yeah, once it got in the jury instructions it's -- yeah. >> stephanie: but i say that because i hate white people, including myself. >> but you love latinos. >> stephanie: clearly i do. twenty-nine minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." ♪

if you believe in state's rights but still support the drug war you must be high. >> "viewpoint" digs deep into the issues of the day. >> do you think there is any chance we'll ever hear the president even say the word "carbon tax"? >> with an opened mind... >> has the time finally come for real immigration reform? >> ...and a distinctly satirical point of view. >> but you mentioned great leadership so i want to talk about donald rumsfeld. >> (laughter) >> cutting throught the clutter of today's top stories. >> this is the savior of the republican party? i mean really? >> ... with a unique perspective. >> teddy rosevelt was a weak asmatic kid who never played sports until he was a grown up. >> (laughter) >> ... and lots of fancy buzz words. >> family values, speding, liberty, economic freedom, hard-working moms, crushing debt, cute little puppies. if wayne lapierre can make up stuff that sounds logical while making no sense... hey, so can i. once again friends, this is live tv and sometimes these things happen. >> watch the show. >> only on current tv.

>> did anyone tell the pilgrims they should self-deport? >> no, they said "make us a turkey and make it fast". >> (laughter). >> she gets the comedians laughing. >> that's the best! >> that's hilarious. >> ... and the thinkers thinking. >> okay, so there is wiggle room in the ten commandments is what you're telling me. >> she's joy behar. >> ya, i consider you jew-talian. >> okay, whatever you want. >> who plays kafka? >> who saw kafka? >> who ever saw kafka? >> (laughter). >> asking the tough questions. >> chris brown, i mean you wouldn't let one of your daughters go out with him. >> absolutely not. >> you would rather deal with ahmadinejad then me? >> absolutely! >> (singing) >> i take lipitor, thats it. >> are you improving your lips? >> (laughter). >> when she's talking, you never know where the conversation is going to go. >> it looks like anthony wiener is throwing his hat in the ring. >> his what in the ring? >> his hat. >> always outspoken, joy behar. >> and the best part is that current will let me say anything. what the hell were they thinking? >> only on current tv.

♪ >> i'm going to do my own thing, tonight, and then you and i -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. . >> -- can hop back on the crazy train in the morning. >> you can't get off of the crazy train. there's no stops. that's what makes it so crazy. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome to it. thirty-four minutes after the hour. having coffey with carlos alazraqui who you can see at slappers. >> that's right. and also go see plains in theater. and check out bobby bitter on facebook. i'm on that cartoon. >> stephanie: and he plays in

the pixar movie planes. [ speaking spanish ] [♪ dramatic music ] >> tonight i will win the heart of rochelle. >> stephanie: thank you very much. [ speaking spanish ] >> so i practiced my spanish. i got my spanish on. and [ inaudible ] plays [ inaudible ]. >> oh, cool. >> he's so cool! >> stephanie: awesome. peggy in tennessee you are on with carlos, hi, peggy. >> caller: hi, steph this is peggy from tennessee again. i just feel like [ inaudible ] some of these people calling in accusing you of -- i don't know now it's your fault -- so now that trayvon must have been listening to you or something -- >> stephanie: that's right. i filled him with white rage. >> yes. >> caller: i called you a week ago and told you about my

biracial grandson that got a gun pulled on him. i guess i'm going to have to get him up here and have him listen to you every morning. >> stephanie: but i will only enrage the black half of him. his white half is a race traitor against these other half. >> whenever there is a black bear in the neighborhood -- it's like sitting in somebody's tree or swimming in a pool. and authorities say stay in your house, let the animal control take care of it. in this case trayvon wasn't sitting in a tree, he was walking down the treat, and he gets shot. the fact is he treat the black bear with more respect than we treated trayvon martin -- >> i can get him, i can get him.

>> stephanie: attention -- [overlapping speakers] >> stephanie: wanna be rangers. >> oh, it's a black boy, go after him. see what happens. >> stephanie: yeah. >> i don't get it. >> stephanie: all right. ted in chicago. hi, ted! >> caller: how are you? i must call and compliment you. the gentlemen that called and criticized you for screwing up [ inaudible ] has got to have his head examined. he is way off base. >> stephanie: i think so too. let's go to p.j. hi, p.j. >> caller: hi. >> stephanie: hi. go ahead. >> caller: thanks stephanie so much for what you are saying and your voice. as a white american i just feel like we are all trayvon martin and i just think this is not about race. this is about civil rights and

whether a 17 year old can walk home at night without being confronted by another american, and i just would like to say thank you for your voice and what you are saying. i really appreciate it. >> stephanie: you are welcome. i was on cnn last week, and the african american version of smithsonian -- they were talk about getting trayvon's hoodie as a display, and i think that's a great idea, and of course i'm on with some right-wing trolls on cnn. and i say there are rallies all over the country about this. and kids are really emotional about this. and i was saying that callers both black and white have called into my show. and he says you don't think your little radio show is indicative of the country, stephanie. >> oh, my god. who was this guy? >> stephanie: i'm not talking about it. >> i will say that jay-z has a

problem boycotting florida because he has athletes that have to play in florida. >> stephanie: oh, yeah. speaking of athletes how about the a-rod thing? >> i think they threw him under the bus. the yankees knew they had to pay him millions of dollars, so they let's just out him. he is obviously one of 13 that just recently got suspended. once he was -- you dig your own bed -- >> stephanie: i have been saying i don't know much about all of this stuff, being -- what is the word -- girl. but isn't everyone going to have to have an asterisks? >> absolutely. >> stephanie: they are always going to find a way to do it. >> i think we are worried about the record of baseball, and neil

caplen made an excellent point. first of all ballparks have different dimensions. they lowed the pitcher's mound. and older players had to face more pitchers. basically i'm saying, let the players juice up. let them hit more home runs. it's fun. throw out the record books! >> stephanie: come on, kids let's go to the park and see the giant horsemen. [ horse whinny ] >> that pitch was 140 miles an hour! i do feel sad for a-roid -- a rod. >> stephanie: right.

ray, you are on. welcome. >> caller: yes, i'm still here. >> stephanie: yes, go ahead. was i talking to you before? >> stephanie: >> caller: no. all of us have had that conversation with our white conservative friend or relative, where they say why do all black people think we're racist? this is a perfect example of that. we have a guy who profiled, stalked, murder a kid, and used all of that foul language, and he is worshipped by white conservatives. >> stephanie: yeah. i can get maybe stand your ground and this and that, and how this could have happened legally, but you are absolutely right. to make him a hero? that's the best you can do, second amendment people? or racist individual lawnty

people? >> >> caller: name one white politician that stepped forward and expressed one scintilla of sympathy for trayvon's family? >> stephanie: yeah. >> i joke it's a total barney fife thing. he poked a hornet's nest and the hornets got mad. >> stephanie: i'm not certain based on what he said on the 911 calls -- >> well, he -- he does -- i think he profiles and says since black kids did this the night before, this is probably another one of those kids, but i don't think it was ill will towards a race. i think he was just amped up. i don't know. >> stephanie: yeah. that's the problem we won't know what -- you know, we can surmise -- >> we can't walk it back.

if we're watching a movie and seeing this happen, and we're the audience, you're like don't get out of the car -- oh, don't do it -- >> stephanie: yeah. >> that kind of thing. >> stephanie: lloyd in milwaukee you are on with carlos. >> caller: hi, i'm 55 and white. and i remember what i was like at 17. and i would have definitely confronted the guy following me. and my sons would have confronted the guy following me? would we have all died and that's okay? >> that's not okay. i -- i don't think so. >> stephanie: yeah. >> caller: a guy left his house armed and another guy left his house unarmed, and one of them died. how is that okay. >> stephanie: yeah, exactly. race aside. jill in ithaca. hi, jill. >> caller: hi, stephanie. since you are a race traitor, you can join my race, people who give a darn. and yes -- >> stephanie: yes, about unarmed teenagers being shot on the way

home with candy, right. >> right. yes. and billy from texas once again, billy, if you paid attention there was no dna on trayvon's hands. he did not -- we have no proof that he even -- he was just stalked and killed. it was horrible. >> stephanie: yeah. yeah. >> caller: but you don't get that. >> stephanie: when he said that over and over -- how could he have possibly administered this beating? he has none of george zimmerman's dna on his hands. >> caller: yes, and employees everybody look up witness nine, zimmerman's cousin who was molested by him since she was nine years old. she testified but not in court. and also the last time mr. billy from texas called the ed [ inaudible ] show, and mike [ inaudible ] was on, he wouldn't even talk to billy. and he is started playing that baby crying sound that you guys

play, that's what most people think of billy from texas, who is very uneducated and needs help. >> stephanie: we're helpers. >> we are. >> and i think acting very stoic are trayvon's parents. they asked to be calm and try to examine what we could do to prevent things like this in the future. at least they are acting responsibly. and that's harder than anybody can imagine, i'm sure. >> stephanie: yeah. john, steph being a brown/black man that has admired asses for 60 years. what is so great about j-lo's ass? black women have great asses for years, just like you, stephanie. [ applause ] >> stephanie: thank you. all right. four-five -- i'll twerk when we

come back. >> oh, don't. >> stephanie: i'm going to do it. >> you don't twerk, you just move your knees up and down. >> stephanie: they are shot from spinning. it's the best i can do. we'll be right back with the remaining of the "stephanie miller show." >> this is too weird, man. >> announcer: it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪

this show is about analyzing, criticizing, and holding policy to the fire. are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night? is this personal or is it political? a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i am given to doing anyway. staying in tough with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. not only does senator rubio just care about rich people but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. but we do care about them, right? vo: the war room tonight at 6 eastern i think the number one thing that viewers like about the young turks is that we're honest. they can question whether i'm right, but i think that the audience gets that this guy, to the best of his ability, is trying to look

out for us. ♪ >> oh, my god, look at her butt, it is so big, it only talks to -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> because she looks like a total [ inaudible ] ♪ i like big butts and i can't deny ♪ >> you call that twerking?

>> stephanie: it's the best i can do. i need a little more coffey with carlos. go see planes the new pixar movie. >> august 9th opening up. and the night before you can see me at flappers live in burbank. it always sounded better when carson saad it. >> beautiful downtown burbank. >> beautiful downtown burbank. >> stephanie: where we are right now in cap pain america's underpa underpants. ironically we can see the tonight show pretty much right there. >> that's right. stephanie stop spying on me. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> wow. >> stephanie: all right. speaking of comedy shows, bill maher wrote a funny piece on -- you heard the virginia attorney general, ken kuch

nelly. >> the cuch. >> he is running for governor and tends to revive the wonderful crimes against nature law. you might have heard his campaign slogan, virginia is for really boring lovers. experts estimate it would be at least 300 years before michael douglas is eligible for parole. [♪ circus music ] >> stephanie: it is ironic he is against anal sex and a stick in the mud. [♪breaking news theme] >> stephanie: speaking of republican dummies, rick perry spoke this weekend at the red state conservative conference, he said, and i quote, there are many other states that agree with those conservative values. i'm in one today, florida.% someone in the audience shouted

we're in louisiana. oh, governor. >> oh, well it's one of the 46 states -- it's one -- it's a five -- the four countries in america -- it's -- oh, come to my ranch. [♪breaking news theme] >> stephanie: in a completely unrelated story that has nothing to do with dummies from texas george w. bush has a stint procedure today after doctors found a blockage in his artery. bush is being described as being in high spirits -- >> i feel like i have a chim chimmychanga stuck in my artery. >> stephanie: he said he got great medical attention -- oh, he is that government health

care. don good morning. >> caller: good morning. >> stephanie: good morning. >> caller: you and i have a verbal confrontation that turns ugly. i knock you to the ground and start bouncing your head on the pavement. >> stephanie: that's what you think happened because that's what the only guy that is alive said that. >> caller: that's what the jury said. >> how did that verbal argument start -- >> caller: it doesn't matter. >> stephanie: really? let's just say you were my father and i was walking down the street [overlapping speakers] >> stephanie: all right. he's not going to stop. >> let me give you a for instance, i hire somebody to follow that guy everywhere he goes. poke him on the shoulder and go hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, and then when he hits me i shoot him. let me give you a for

instance -- >> and there was no zimmerman dna on trayvon's hands. how did he do that? oh, he put on gloves. >> he put on ojs gloves. >> stephanie: yeah, he wouldn't answer my question what if it was his wife or daughter? >> and if he was bouncing his head on concrete, he would have had a fractured skull. and he has very superficial wounds that showed up later. >> stephanie: hey, speaking of -- [ inaudible ] >> stephanie: okay. study of gags by late night comics, found an abrupt change since 2012 now obama and democrats are providing the

lion's share of punch lines. the most joked about individual after obama, anthony weiner. >> yep. >> stephanie: when we were all together, we joked about clinton, because it's all about the [ censor bleep ]. >> oh, yeah. if you ain't sexting you are lying. i love how he just apologized it away by being a new yorker. we new yorkers don't give up. we don't slash that chicken's head off and do a pentagon in the middle of time square. new yorkers don't quit. >> stephanie: that's what we do. we don't quit. [♪breaking news theme] >> stephanie: speaking of sex where do you come down on the shirley jones and joan collins orgy stories. shirley jones is insisting that joan collins exinsisted on a

foursome. the story is being pulled from the book. last night, shirley and her current husband were defiant saying they don't care what deal joan reached with simon and shuster, she is sticking to her story. >> who cares. >> stephanie: katie perry was rumored to be dating robert pattenson, the twilight guy. >> he sparkles. >> stephanie: right. he was rumored to be romantic linked to the hunk, but she is

adamant they have a sibling-like relationship, because she farts in front of him. >> huh? >> stephanie: here is proof there was never anything going on, i fart in front of him. and i never fart in front of anyone i'm dating. and that's a rule. there was something on facebook about i only fart to keep you warm under the covers, honey. [ farting sounds ] >> yes, we have reached our level. >> stephanie: all right. and scene. all right. you can see carlos alazraqui -- >> planes! >> planes this weekend. slappers. check out bobby bitter on facebook. and check out me on facebook too. >> stephanie: we will see you tomorrow on the "stephanie miller show." ♪

foreclosures jumped a staggering 158 percent the market fell as if down a well millions of jobless americans are about to get kicked to the side of the road by corporate greed more and more homeowners in the crossfire people look upon wall street right now and they see record breaking salaries there's something wrong with this picture if you want to understand why this country is in the appalling shape that it's in many people look to the richest 1 percent anger of the us financial sector boiling over on wall street.